Life with 2 under 2: the final days

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I am in denial right now. It seems like yesterday that we just had Mava. It seems like yesterday that we had a 19 month old and a newborn. And suddenly, in a blink of an eye, the “2 under 2” phase is coming to an end.

You know, I was all fine and such until I got Mava’s baby book in the mail and started writing in it tonight. I was going through the “1 month” page where I write about what she’s like, and it dawned on me that I could hardly remember. It was a very, very sad moment.

And then I realized that in 3 days, my first born will be TWO. I will have a two year old. It seems like such light years away, yet, but it’s just a few days away. And then I will no longer have two kids under two, probably ever again.

To me, that’sad. People might think I am a nut job for being sad about not having two kids under two anymore. But I honestly enjoyed the chaos that was tandem crying in the morning and at night when both wanted to be fed at the same time. Trying to bathe both kids in the same night while my husband was away on travel. Two teething babies at the same time (oh lord, why didn’t ANYONE warn me about that?). And of course, when the flu hits the household AT CHRISTMAS. Wow. Nothing like having a newborn and a puking 1 year old at Christmas.

But, you know what? That is a Christmas I will NEVER forget. Because we did not have to stress out about where we needed to go, what dishes we needed to bring, trying to pack the whole house to drive places to go to parties, attempting to shower 4 days in a row for parties while your toddler is trying to pass you the iPad IN THE SHOWER because he cannot get Elmo on it. No, our Christmas was totally chill. We were sick, so we couldn’t go to any parties, and it was amazing.

Christmas Eve we got to hang out at home. It was day 3 of the flu, and luckily Asher was feeling better and Chad was getting his appetite back. So, what does any good mom do for her family? Cook a huge feast… yeah right, me? I went to Panera Bread, ordered broccoli cheddar soup and sandwiches, and brought that glorified yumminess home. We listened to jolly music while eating food, trying to take makeup-less/still sick selfies on our iPhone camera timer (hey they didn’t turn out too bad), and I even let Asher open up one of his presents. Ultimately, we ended the night watching Elf for the 20th time that week before he went to bed, and then we turned on Clark Griswold’s Christmas Vacation.

(Gosh, this reminds me, I didn’t even blog about Christmas. I really need to be writing a lot more!)

So… back to talking about being in denial about no longer having two kids under two. Right. Y’all will have to forgive my mom-brain. It occasionally gets off track.

For the record, I LOVED having two kids under two. Was it hard as heck? Oh my word. There were days where I absolutely lost it, and I still feel guilty for those days. But the age between 19 months-24 months is THE sweetest age ever. Asher went from not really understanding right vs wrong and not being able to communicate at all with us, which was by far the hardest phase, since you couldn’t reason with him, to him suddenly growing this insane vocabulary, and understanding directions and loving to help out with simple tasks such as throwing away something, or picking up toys. We are still working on that picking up toys thing, but those 5 months were like HUGE. He grew so much, and I will never forget those months. He truly went from a little baby mind-set to an up and coming toddler mindset and it was honestly the neatest thing to watch him grow into that while I was on maternity leave.

And to see your two tiny little mini-me’s play with each other and communicate is such a blessing! You REALLY get to see them grow when you see them change into being best friends. It is absolutely a gift from above.

If any of you are contemplating having kids back to back, just do it. It’ll be hard, yes. Very hard. But it is so crazy that you just will not care about anything, because that is your only option. And once you embrace the crazy of two under two, your life is a full bucket of fun. I promise, you won’t regret it.

Now about that little baby girl, she is teething so momma needs to go comfort her. It’s 11pm and I’d rather be sleeping, but I can sleep when I die, and I’d rather be cozying up to my little girl.

Love you all… until next time.

I Cried (Tears of Joy) Last Night

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I cried tears of joy

I cried tears of joy last night. They were the best tears of joy anyone could have while having a six-week-old and 20-month-old with daily toddler tantrums.

You see, life is SO beautiful — even with two little ones. My house is a mess, I haven’t worn makeup in weeks, and I am lucky if I can get my teeth brushed before noon. But, I wouldn’t want it any other way.

So many people get wrapped up in being perfect. Having a perfect house, having the perfect clothes, and looking like their life is so easy and perfect when they are falling apart on the inside. I don’t know what it is about this day and age, but everyone feels that they must have a Pinterest life.

I am here to tell you that your life doesn’t have to be perfect, and you don’t have to look perfect to anyone else. Whether you have two under two, or your kids are older, life is crazy no matter what stage you’re in.

So, if you are like me, and you have a newborn and a 1-year-old, don’t worry about your house, your hair, or your clothes. Nobody will remember that, neither will you. Soak up your time with your kids, spend all day with them in your pajamas, and stop cleaning your house. Your kids won’t remember what your hair looked like, but they will cherish the moments they got to spend with you in your pajamas.

What matters most are these early days. Count your blessings. Take too many pictures. Remember your baby’s milestones. Cry happy tears. These moments won’t last forever and will be gone before you know it.

 

i cried tears of joy

i cried tears of joy

i cried tears of joy

Week Four with Two under Two

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So, I have to admit. I got a little teary eyed this morning when I woke up and realized my little girl turned four weeks today. This also puts us at four weeks of surviving two under two. It seems like an eternity yet it went by in a blink of an eye.

First of all, I have to gush a little on my little girl. When they say that girls are sweet, girls really are SO sweet. I was worried about having a girl, especially since we had a boy first. I didn’t know if she would be too dramatic, and cry all of the time, or if she would be like her mama and drama free. It turns out, she is a little bit of both. I can see her pain tolerance isn’t near as solid as Asher’s, but she is as laid back as can be, and always hungry. Yep, just like her mom.

My husband and I have been doing so well at splitting up duties. He can see when my hands are full, and when I just need that extra bit to get me caught back up. He’s so good at picking up the slack, that I couldn’t be more grateful. When I was a little girl, my dad worked long hours in his business, so we never saw him. I still don’t know how my mom took care of so many kids single-handedly and survived? Some days I seriously feel like i am going to die.

One thing that has been helping us tremendously is getting outside. I had our first baby in the dead of winter (February), and I kid you not, I did not leave the house for 8 weeks. I spent all day indoors with a baby with dairy intolerance/acid reflux/colic. It’s Fall here in Ohio, so the weather is perfect for stroller rides. I finally bit the bullet and spent my hard earned cash on the BOB Duallie PRO so that I could go on hikes or long walks down the sidewalks with both kids and not have to worry about bumps. This stroller is a beast. And I got it on sale for $250 off the regular price of $750. I cannot tell you how happy I am to have invested in this. My husband travels a lot, so this will come in to great use on days where I need to distress and get outside, not to mention get in a great workout.

Workouts this maternity leave have so far been limited to the stroller rides daily, however I am slowly getting closer to running. Since I had a c-section, my stomach still hurts and I am cautious to overdue anything. Eventually I want to start running, but only when everything is healed!

Alright, this mama is tired. So far, week for with two under two is going great. I might be one sad girl because my babies are growing up way too fast, but it is the best blessing I could’ve asked for.

 

We Have a Brand New Baby!

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First of all, my apologies for being a bit vacant from posting lately! However, I have to let you know, we had a baby!

Introducing to you our brand new little GIRL! Mava Lis was born on September 14th, at 2:38AM via c-section, weighing a whopping (*wait for it*) 9 pounds 11 ounces and was 21 inches long.

This pregnancy has been an interesting one, indeed. We did not want to know the gender, but at 20 weeks, doctors told us that our baby had fluid in it’s kidneys. Out of all babies that get this, 80% of them are boys.

Next up, at 32 weeks I am in my hometown visiting my grandma who just celebrated her 100th birthday. She hadn’t been doing too well that week, and we were told she had a few days. While my sister and I are there, she passes away on us, unexpectedly. We are in a complete state of shock at this point. I drive back home that night with pure exhaustion.

Fast forward a few hours, it’s 6:00PM and I am completely wiped out with “the flu.” I mention to my husband that he has to take care of our son, Asher, because I simply cannot move. 10:00PM comes, and I suddenly start having contractions. 1:00AM hits, and they’re getting stronger. A call to the doctor and ibuprofen later, I calm down and finally fall asleep.

9:00AM the next morning they’re back. How can I be having contractions?Thankfully I have a doctors appointment that morning because I am thinking I might die at this point.

My OB sends me to Labor and Delivery ward at our local hospital, and while there, blood tests indicate that my white blood cell count is extremely high. The numbers given were related to the body fighting itself, not something simple like the flu. At this point, doctors are thinking I have appendicitis or chorioamniontitis, and decide to care flight me to another hospital an hour away to do emergency surgery.

While in the care flight, I am conscious and can feel every contraction 4 minutes apart, however I can also hear the blood pressure monitor on repeat. Apparently they cannot get my blood pressure because there is not enough there to read.

Arriving at hospital #2, I am rushed into the surgery room, and after some testing, decide not to move forward with  an appendectomy or c-section as originally planned. An MRI, and multiple ultrasounds later bring up absolutely no issues, however I am still having contractions 4 minutes apart.

The next day, we decide to move forward with an amniocentesis to test the amniotic fluid for bacteria that may be causing the contractions. Once again, that test also comes back negative.

Doctors are stumped. They don’t know what is wrong, and we don’t know what is wrong. As every blood test result showed a lower white blood cell count, my contractions started to slow. This was enough evidence for doctors to figure that I caught some nasty virus possibly. Two days later and 10 additional blood tests, my levels were back to normal, my contractions subsided and we were on our way home with NO diagnosis.

I truly believe that certain things happen to certain people because they can handle it. I am not sure why God had put me through three days of rough contractions without an epidural at 32 weeks, but it is all in his plan.

Fast forward 8 more weeks, and multiple ultrasounds indicate baby is floating in a lot of fluid, which is very dangerous for baby if my water breaks. They mentioned that I would never go into labor on my own due to the baby not progressing in the birth canal.

However at 39 weeks and 4 days, I laid down at 9:00PM and felt my first contraction. Wow, were we shocked! Stay tuned for my next update and the entire story of the birth of our daughter, Mava Lis!

In the meantime, enjoy these first precious pictures I took of Mava in the first 24 hours.

 

 

 

exhausted overwhelmed mama

To the Exhausted, Overwhelmed Mama… You Are Amazing

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exhausted overwhelmed mama

It’s 5:00 PM, I walk in the door from work, completely exhausted, barely gripping my 1-year-old on my hip. Setting him down, he immediately starts to cry because he wants to go outside.

I have absolutely no energy to go outside at this point, and I already know what’s going happen.

He will want to run free, while I try to fight him from running down the cement driveway so that he doesn’t fall and scuff his knees. After a few minutes, I reluctantly give in, knowing he hasn’t been outside all day (and let’s be honest, I haven’t either). I want to be a good mom, and my child could use some Vitamin D.

At this point, my son is grabbing at the door handle and nearly in tears, dying to go outside. Mom guilt suddenly hits.

“OK, OK, let’s go outside, buddy.”

I just want to enjoy this moment with my son, soaking up the nice weather, but am dreading dinner time. What in the world am I going to make him? Do we have any healthy foods or vegetables to feed him? What can he eat to fill him up? He’s had ten sweet potatoes already this week, his face will turn orange soon if I give him another. Should I chop up those red potatoes and saute them? No, he can’t eat that, it’s too unhealthy.

Within five minutes, he breaks away, runs down the driveway, and scuffs his knees.

Good lord, why do I always do this to myself? My stress level sky rockets and I feel even more mom guilt at this point, cradling him in my arms, knowing I could’ve prevented it. I take him inside, and while he screams bloody murder before the neighbors start staring at me.

Finally, I’ve got him calmed down, washed up, and in his high chair, except I have no food ready, and he is starving.

I have approximately two minutes before we both have total breakdowns.

Desperate for him not to cry, I find a stale bag of Goldfish to give him, as I cannot bear to have him cry any longer.

I just need a break. I am so sick of doing this every single day. It seems like such a simple task but is so exhausting.

Digging through the freezer, I give up trying to think of something healthy and throw a frozen bean and cheese burrito in the microwave for his dinner. Hey, it’s Organic, so it’s kind of healthy. Right?

In the meantime, he also scarfs down some tomatoes and grapes, but the good Lord knows it will probably give him butt rash by tomorrow morning that I’ll have to deal with.

Sitting down, I realize I have no clue what I am going to eat, but to be honest, I am too exhausted to get up and cook anything for myself. This is my one moment to relax for the next two hours, and I am going to soak it up. I can eat after he’s in bed. Right?

Fast forward through dinner, clean up, bath time, story time and wrestling with him to go to bed, my night is finally over and I get to relax. Wow, my brain hurts. I just need to sit here and contemplate what I need to do now. Oh yes, eat… must eat.

I settle for a quick bowl of Organic cereal and almond milk because it is partially healthy, right? Don’t mind the sugar content. The quicker I eat, the quicker I get to lay down, the quicker I get to go to bed, only to repeat this all again tomorrow.

*sigh*

Does this sound familiar? Does this sound just like YOUR night too?

Mama, I am here to tell you that you are not the only one who feels exhausted and overwhelmed every single day. Just like many other mama’s, we are all in your same shoes.

Do not feel inadequate that you struggle through your day with your kids just like every other mama.

Do not feel like a bad mom that you were too exhausted to cook your child a healthy five-course meal.

Do not feel guilty that you couldn’t give your child the best version of yourself.

Because do you know what? You are still a super star in his eyes. He looks up to you like you rule the world. He sees you as his confidant, his protector, his comfort, and most of all, his sweet mama. He thinks the absolute world of you because you gave him life, and God chose YOU to be his mama for a reason.

So, don’t feel guilty for dreading dinner time. Don’t feel bad that you couldn’t protect him from scuffing his knees. Don’t feel bad for feeling like he’s not getting the best of you.

YOU ARE AMAZING because you’re a mom. And being a mom is one of the hardest, stressful, overwhelming and exhausting jobs in the entire world. It will test your limits every day and your job never ends. You work 90+ hours a week when your kids are awake to ensure they are happy, well fed and thriving through life. And that doesn’t include working full time, or spending long nights nursing a newborn, or comforting a teething a child who just needs to be wrapped in his mama’s arms at 3:00 AM.

Momma, you are enough. And you are doing an amazing job, so give yourself a big hug. You deserve it.